Parent Trap

February 10, 2013

Guilt is a confrontation for many of us, especially as a parent when one makes a choice that seems acceptable at the time yet may end up being an implant for culpability which grows and embeds in our cells.

During long conversations over cups of tea or goblets of wine words form stories of circumstances and decisions turned sour. Frowns of worry shoot across the brow and goose bumps crawl over arms as details of the circumstances when sounded out sputter into words which were fragmented and buried for so long. Gross scenes undulate through the space around the story teller and full sentences exacerbate the dilemma. It is helpful to share the agony with judiciously selected and deemed trustworthy friends who can cluck in profound empathy and pay close attention in the anguished energy.

How do we shake the dreaded burden of guilt? Share, give up the secret that binds and know forgiveness is accessible. Over time the discovery of clemency instills acceptance and mourning subsides at a glacial pace. Grief for the seemingly simple and enigmatic choice that held us in an unforgivable outlook for years on end flows away and into the atmosphere.

It is an exceptionally admirable job to be the listener and one that should not be taken lightly. To be mostly silent and still, acknowledging the process resisting the urge to jump in to discredit or downplay the deed. I believe it is a privilege to hear the sorrowful tales, events that dwell in darkness until exceptional courage and a poised opening presents itself. An audience to welcome the blemishes that protrude and scour without fault or blame is not easy to come by. The greatest gift a friend can give to another is respect and honor wherever that person is on their journey of absolution. Without judgment and great absorbable shoulders the selected listener may also find the courage to battle their own excursion of guilt.

My continuing passion would be…to part a curtain,

That invisible shadow that falls between people,

The veil of indifference to each other’s presence,

Each other’s wonder,

Each other‘s plight.

Eudora Welty