Throw Mama From the Train

December 28, 2012

We are all dying. How does a family deal with illness, long-term extended diminishing health, caregiving financial strains and the concerns of day-to-day routine care of the elders?

Typical family members live a few miles to worlds apart. Rarely does the newborn to grandparents live in the same household until death parts them. Questions of who will provide for the disabled, the sick, mentally incapable and addicted arise as lives shift and alter with unanticipated challenging circumstances.

A surviving parent is leaving the country for an extended period of time, with much trepidation and fear of the unknown. Will she be able to manage the anticipated year sabbatical let alone the voyage is questionable. At whatever age appears the most risky, fears the unknown arrive at the most inopportune time. The seniors appear older and less comfortable with their diminishing capabilities. One door opens and several others close.

Not everyone is thrilled about the prospect of having the responsibility of the in-laws in their space for any length of time. Some become more than a bit patronizing while other family members are frustrated listening and watching the aggressive behavior escalate. Some are is loving and kind, attentive and accepting and others not so much. Issues of financial yoke turns people sour and resistant to welcoming conduct.

Who will be the main caregiver? Who is fortunate enough to have the grandchildren around the elders with their stories of experiences in their lives, brave, confrontational, joyous, treacherous, painful and out-of-control to learn from, laugh with and cry in remembrance? The burden of healthcare and daily concern takes its toll on everyone since the senior or handicapped are is incapable of doing much more than heating water and pouring it over coffee grounds thru a filter. The grandchildren screams and shouts for lack of better communication when faced with the possibility of losing a grandparent who have been a part of their young lives.

The overwhelming rigorous challenge of providing care for the elderly is not an easy issue. When the need arises to solicit outside help as the elders symptoms steadily worsened, what is a best plan? There are some who are totally unprepared to take control of the elders health issues but accepted this role nonetheless. Finally, how does one say goodbye?