Nowhere to be found

January 25, 2013

Wake up at leisure and, just prior to opening my eyes, realize I am somewhere other than frigid Minnesota on a squishy daybed in a dark basement with an alert Tyrus on his round cozy pad at eye level, fuzzy and erratic cats curled up by my feet.

Later believing I am taking the short cut to the Health Clinic I get turned around…OK LOST! Got me thinking about the literal and figurative significance of the word.  Misplace, mislaid, missing, gone, vanished, nowhere to be found, gone astray, opposite of found. The consciousness of “lost” is unique here, not the locale but my frame of reference. As I explain my reason for being in Brasil with Dr Marcos Edelweiss (no, I am not making it up!) McPractical I understand why he becomes lost in the paraphrase. I am frequently gone astray from my own life! Am I lost here?

Occasionally there are erratic periods I hypothesize what the hell I am up to, what mayhem is around the corner that requires me to merrily bounce off of or definitively recover from. How I organize, arrange, control my daily schedule as well as my relationships that sporadically vanish and I consequently must readjust or bust.  

Financial confidence, habitual structure, consistent concrete friendships and support, loads of reading and stimulation of new information helps me remain found within myself. Even when I feel lost, I am not misplaced every minute of each day. I can sense the difference and notice the marvel in feeling centered. Now with my meditation practice I realize the slight and at times. not so subtle. triggers or thoughts and feelings that take me away from my solid footing are more apparent. I discover more compassion for my journey that includes fear, awe, uncertainty, surprise, pain, inspiration, miscommunication, joy, insecurity and inclusion.

So, lost my way and quickly recovered to land at the Clinic. McPractical suggested two options for my surgical plan. I turned over a referral sheet to the make me stammer unceremoniously handsome front desk clerk who will fax it to the hospital. Also guarding a note from above physician to present to the hospital clerk that requests imminent surgery. McPractical insists I need a lot of luck from the Angels and suggests I bring along a book and arrive first in line to be attended to. He chucks the idea of my having osteoporosis symptoms and tears off the chocking bandage from my foot and lower calf adamantly maintaining it is worthless. Although I do not feel much respect for his medical orthopedic skills I am happy having him in my court. McPractical assures me it could be up to two years to receive surgical treatment. We’ll see!

Back home “Saturday Night Fever” cd blares “Staying Alive” and everyone in the house is singing along! No one is above dancing with arms zig zagging across their body, hips jutting to mimic infamous dishy John Travolta in his prime. The Bee Gees, Janet Jackson, Sting, Eric Clapton, Def Leppard…if I close my eyes I am content and the opposite of lost.