January 30, 2013
“Even on the calmest most uneventful day we get many
opportunities to see the clash between what we want and the way it really is.”
I am reading Everyday Zen by Charlotte Joko Beck simultaneously with two
other books. This statement, like many in this particular book, contributes to
my daily structure in such a lightheartedly deep and certainly positive way. The
thin paperback provides introspection and a great relief as I sort through
several short stories, my blog, letters to friends and family as well as daily
meditation in my “work” here at Servidao Guanimbe, 111.
There are people in this household that nurture me as I get
back on my foot. They provide emotional and practical sustenance while I crowd
out the uncertainties that otherwise plague my adventures. Their security and
presence accounts for the sense of refuge and trust whether they are aware of it
or not. The smoke and mirrors of the future assault the best efforts I make to
remain in the present as a waft of ground beef simmers on the stove. I wonder
what resides in the frig to accommodate me for lunch? Taelor insists, as long
as it is not crawling away on it’s own, I am liable to eat it!
The spray of multiple sneezes stretches across the vast tile
floor as Theo unceremoniously swipes his slender upper arm across his wet germ-infested
mouth. Great. The boys tinker around with a familiar plastic tub of Legos and
chatter in the unrecognizable mumble of child’s play while lunch bubbles. I
attempt to decipher the next step to publishing my blog as Joao stands at the
wire fence separating one verandah from the next, a few feet in between on
either side, to chat with Gabriel the amenable yet demanding seemingly
incarcerated youth. He tends to holler Joao’s name at all hours of the day and
night to share clear glass filled with mysterious drink, request an egg,
garbage bag, cup of sugar, rice, hilarious story or just a few words of comfort
from a friend. Denise is hammering away on her architecture projects,
revisiting renovation designs of a scrupulously demanding and well-paying American
client.
Deal. I made a deal with myself that I would be in Brasil
for six months. The plan included volunteering at several distinctive farms, learning
the ropes as a manual laborer on the system of organics, CSA programs, youth at
risk projects and to sweat, toil, eat, drink and sleep without charge. When all
of that, now known as Plan A, fell apart a short eleven days into the first
farm experience, I definitely didn’t live into “what I want.” “The way it
really is” turned into a life of daily writing and posting, emotional suffering
and extreme physical pain dulled by medications and increased by physical
therapy as well as unbound joy and excessive passion for life. Everything
gets confusing here, plans change and everyone accepts it as thus
was written my very first blog day. How little did I know I wasn’t on-board
with the acceptance part and had an incredible amount of work to do around
recognizing and processing it.
Everyone crowds around to drink fresh maracuja juice as it
recently spun around in the blender. It is a very common custom to intermittently
enjoy whatever happens to come out of the oven, from the stovetop or blender
and rapidly consumed at any given hour of the day. I accept the cup of juice
and revere in the present moment of succulent fruit. This is “the way it really
is!” on a most uneventful morning.
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