Bay Bday

July 29, 2013

It is my nephew Bay’s birthday today. He is an extensive traveler, stellar skate-boarder, devoted fan of his girlfriend, Lisa, and emotionally close to his mother. His nickname for her is “Smother” so, you get the picture. He is a free spirit, dances to a different drummer and happy-go-lucky. He is an artist and I expect he will figure things out one day, in terms of the talents and skills that he has, leading to a right livelihood.

Vaguely recall what it was like to be in my twenties. Felt I knew what was in store for me, what I was interested in, what path to take that will lead me to fulfilling dreams and goals, financial freedom, and love. I honestly still do not have a clue, what I have learned between then and now is questionable. May not be fully aware of what this life is all about, until I am burned up and placed in a box, eventually scattered over some remote rock, over the undulating waves of the ocean. The Buddhists believe we will not manage to complete our purpose for several life times. I cannot even decide what to have for lunch, based on the slim-pickings from the frig, let alone what I could be doing for the remainder of my days. We live in a messy, silly, much anticipated retirement, unsustainable world. How can we possibly know that we are progressing. What helps us check-in with our demonstrating our success as human beings. Where can we discover that we count and matter. When are we done. Who are we here to be.

In my writing, each and every day, I slather on the adjectives, regurgitate the words I believe I understand, and pray it makes a difference for someone, somewhere, out there. I mainly write for me, to share my expectations that hopefully do not turn into disappointment, or stimulate something that leads to a sudden death.

I sent a long, introductory letter, to one of the local Community Centers, within spitting distance to my place. Wish to start a group for young women, to find a way for them to support one another in being aware of who they are, what they have to offer to the community, as well as each other. I consider what I could have done with my life, had I dug around in my spirit, understood my natural talents and skills, to spread around to others with confidence and integrity. Hope to encourage stepping out of their world and into a resource of committed goals and aspirations to change their lives, their children’s lives and beyond. The agency representative, whose name could have been a woman or mans,  responded by sending me a volunteer application and asking me to call about the hours and my availability. I requested he/she review my initial inquiry and asked to meet in person. I have not heard back. This agency is one of several I requested a response to, and plan on bringing my work to the young women, one way or the other, by the end of the year. I remind myself, it is not about me. This effort is for the women who can make a difference in the future of this particular changing neighborhood.