Sideways Grief

July 17, 2013

Undeniable shark-bite hurt seeped into her heart, shockingly betrayed, savagely dismissed, she struggled with unfulfilled expectations that shattered her morning. She lashed out with articulated vengeance in subsequent, infrequent long-distance phone calls. Grief and loss take undistinguishable forms. He unwillingly succumbed to unconscious absorption of the empty space in his soul, after losing his canine playmate.  And became acutely unavailable, vaguely disappeared into the shadow of laborious out-of-state employment, undeniable peer pressure, exhaustion from sword fighting with tireless emotional beasts.

According to John Gray of Men Are From Mars series, males lash out with flippant language, sacrificing common sense when they are obliviously unaware of how the women in their lives are responding, have responded to their inappropriate communication since before the first kiss. Men don’t comprehend the persistent Round Robin of support from women within their clan, much like life support, after a tragic crisis or emotional upset.  

Why are we not taught how to communicate, resolve conflict with our intimate partners, lovely children of the opposite gender, deal with conflict at our jobs or with our neighbor, who throws the dog feces over the fence, into your pristine yard.  

Stuck in the spasmodic reaction of our greatest fears, we take on the burden of consequence. Then it becomes far easier to allow yet another day to go by, then another, week, month, year without addressing the real buried issues. By Then, we have long forgotten what the initial challenge was, buried under a pile of rotting manure, stinking up the immediate vicinity with guilt, shame, savage scars of unforgiveness.

It is such a relief to reach out, shake hands, hug until your ribs are cracked to shatter the barrier between old friends, lovers, cellmates in a typically stick-to-it-tive-ness world. Raucous belly laughter, heartfelt solid storytelling, a well of tears of consequential searing pain, dividing agonizing suffering clearly relieves the awkwardness. Truth and regurgitation of sentiment for one another cures all failings.