Efficient Elf

December 11, 2013

     My first job, outside of a carhop/general server, at the family-owned A&W was being an Elf at the Dunkin Jewelers at West Town Mall in Madison. I had an ugly green cap that slung off to the side, trapped alone in a bay window with mounds of gifts to wrap while the customer waited. To this day, I wonder how many same-sized boxes went to the wrong woman. Wasn’t on purpose, mind you, yet the receipt slips occasionally slid to the floor and became detached from its box. Without a price tag, would she notice it wasn’t so special, just as shiny and bright as the ring a few hundred dollars less expensive. Nonetheless, I learned to wrap efficiently, using the least amount of paper. The end result, a beautiful gift to present to its recipient. Whether it was hers or not. Yes, the majority of our customers were men.

     Spread all of the presents out on the livingroom floor this afternoon, wrapping paper, tape, scissors, tissue (mostly crumpled bits with holes here and there but colorful, nonetheless,) cheerful tags, and black Sharpie marker accompanied me.

     It used to be, when I traveled for my job, to a different city each weekday, for nine long years, that I could find wonderful items for each of my people, unique and charming, throughout the year. Now, I have to be very intentional about the person, have them in mind as I search for the right thing, the present that will amaze them in its exclusivity, it shouts the friend’s name as she/he opens the gem. It seems to be getting more difficult to be the wower.

     I also have a number of friends and relatives who have the audacity to have a birthday within spitting distance to Christmas. Makes it even tougher to track down the non-sensible gift item. What do you get someone who has everything, returns everything, collects nothing, buys whatever they actually want or need, has a completely different taste in clothing than I, eats no chocolate, doesn’t drink anymore, has only a shower for bathing, doesn’t need anything, has too many health issues to eat or drink anything fun, and is too old to enjoy nearly everything. I have two weeks before the holiday in question. Think I am down to the option of a box of Chiclets for the remaining parties on the list.