January 5, 2014
I aim to be one of those people who pulls
it off. Who gets the big heist, scores the winning basket. Wanting to expand my
life and the possibilities of gaining the things I desire. I want to explore my
place in the world. Wonder when that will happen. Need to keep my eyes peeled
for the chance to know it, feel it, smell, taste, touch, and see it with my own
gut. Often, just as things are about to bust open, I sabotage my chances, fall
into a ditch, slide into “home” plate on the ice, lose my job, miss the bus,
set the alarm incorrectly and am delayed. A sinus infection comes on at the
promise of a big date, zits appear, a favorite belt breaks, lucky necklace goes
missing at the most inopportune times. I have to understand that is my inner
core playing tricks on me, preventing the winning me from succeeding. The evil
twin telling me “I told you so.”
The next time I am on the brink of a new
level of joy and I screw it up, I know what to do-call in the recruits, make a
cup of coffee, revisit my strategies, ask for a ride, seek encouragement,
request support, light a candle, step in, lean back, and bust the patterns of
defeatist mentality. Prepare, and trust myself to do it again.
Two tea bags, box of tissue, several
dribbles of essential oils, plate of mini gingerbread man cookies and a coupla
hugs doled-out this afternoon when a great friend came by for a visit. I give
the best advice, ever! It is what
girlfriends are for, to weep and wail, giggle, gossip, share events and
adventures, and dispel fears. We are anchored through our imperfections,
dreams, desires, intentions, and plans. She is one of the pals I will turn to,
when I am ready to take the plunge, and happen to detour into inevitable
destruction. I trust her since we have similar taste in indulgences-tea (or
Barefoot Wine, depending upon the time of day) and chocolate.
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