January 7, 2014
This morning, I discover,
a woman I categorized as one of my only enemies, living on the other side of
the planet, is struggling with ovarian cancer. It has spread to her lymph
nodes, and despite an extensive surgery on the 2nd, she is actively
dying. I sent a short heartfelt message to her on Facebook, desperate to find
the words to describe how I am feeling; jittery and unkempt, sad and bitter all
rolled-up in a huge ball of love, tenderness, anger, frustration, that I want
to hurl into the bitter cold, to disappear into the vast dead-white clouds in
the horizon.
I cannot possibly hate
her any longer, it is improbable to continue the façade of distaste and
uncontrollable ill will when I know she is suffering, dying, fearful, sword
fighting loss, and leaving loved ones behind (her daughter is a few years younger than Taelor and they were best of friends for four years.)
The common enemy is now
bargaining, death, sickness, dying, grief, loss, depression, tremendous pain,
fear, anger, avoidance, denial, anger, and acceptance. We all wish it wasn’t
so, that death is not the end, that we could maintain our lives for ever and
ever, amen. And it just isn’t so.
"Sophy:
I just heard about your
ill health and situation with cancer. Despite the past, and all of the
complications, I want to reach out to you to say, I am sorry. Sorry for your
prognosis, sorry for your family and friends, husband, and perfect soul. I hope
you are pain-free, can experience joy and lucidity each and every day, in your
time left on the planet, however long that is.
I pray you find comfort
in the love and compassion you deserve.
Be well, my friend,
Paula"
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