March 29, 2013
Sorting myself out day!
My rule of thumb is to
work at tackling whatever off-putting task I am avoiding and finishing it. If I
don’t complete the undertaking it picks like a vulture at a fresh dead festering
bloody rabbit on my brain until I drive myself into the Looney Bin. When I get
to the tough bit of the project I stand up, walk outdoors and contemplate the blinding
sun, brilliant melting snow and come to a conclusion that helps me take the
next step forward, as painstaking as it may be.
Toggling between Resume
work, photographing artwork for staging newly listed homes and forwarding them to
the appropriate party (where is a teenager/young adult when I need one?) letting
the pack of dogs in and out, chasing the dust bowls around the house with a
broom, throwing in several loads of cold water wash, wearisome job lead
follow-thru, moving personal possessions from one room to another, and slurping
cold coffee while fending off hunger, generating more options for my Resume
(how many hats can I wear before they all tumble to the ground or the monkeys
steal them on-by-one as I nap?).
Encounter other job
seekers by phone, talking of the demons that scare them into staying at home
and watching the Tube, over-eating, indulging in link after educational or
otherwise link on-line, start other projects around the house, yard, take aptitude
tests, read significantly depressing articles about the job market, garage
re-organizing, re-configuring the snake pit…anything to avoid the silent telephone
and empty calendar. It is far easier to allow the Avoidance of Responsibility persona to take
charge than manage the fear creeping in and taking over the bank account, mortgage
payment, threat of utility shut-off, empty kitchen cabinets, refrigerator or
gas tank. Without a group of like-minded people or close friends to confide in,
to relay the deep-seated anguish of rejection, sense of not being good enough
and wallowing in self-pity, it can get very isolating and extraordinarily frightening.
I am ever so grateful for the support system I have between friends and family,
job search centers and delving into educational as well as emotional tools of
practice. Yet, I can tear up when I consider the light at the end of the tunnel
needs a higher magnification number than I have in my eyeglass case.
“It’s Friday and no one
wants to accept solicitation phone calls” was the mantra from my friends today.
“I will call them on Monday.”
Fed the horses early this
morning and next thing I know it is time to make “supper.” Yowser!
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