Vulnerability envelopes me as I hunch on the black asphalt at the edge
of the road in yesterday’s morning flakes. Left leg splayed in a homely position,
jutting to the back, as my previously injured ankle, appalled by the thunk
against the black ice, begs movement. A blend of fine exasperated swear words
soak the air around me, absorbed by the trees, fresh falling snow, and my once
agile body. Reality sets it’s head on my shoulder, as I note my soaked jeans,
angle of my appendage, and the simple fact that I could very well be flattened
by a passing vehicle, gets me to my feet. Ambling like a wounded third baseman,
I make it home, shaken and withered.
“Sabotage” comes to mind, “injustice, retribution, shame, exasperation,
indignation, unmerited consequence, and fear” slides up from the stubbed toe to
my heart.
Then, through the hours of rigidity of the muscles, shocking shudders of
pain, unsightly swelling, certain bruises and torn discernment, comes “Find the
Way.” Shuffling phone calls and re-scheduling
events has everything clink into place. A horizontal position, leg high above
the heart, which typically never lends itself to productivity, a majority of
satisfaction takes over. Although phases of disquiet enter the recesses, I am
alright.
I haven’t turned my life from living out of a cardboard box on the
street to making millions, like some, yet I have made these past few days into
more than a bruised knee and ankle. I can accept and honor my good companion, Vulnerability,
not shoot her down in times of need. I realize I have the fortitude,
determination and gratitude to take the next halting step towards home.
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