May
6, 2013
I
have always been the driver of my life though the vehicle has uncharitably
veered off to the right or left, swung me in the ditch, turned me upside down
or head-on into sideways and unexpected small-mindedness, spun me in circles
and on occasion, inexplicably dampened my spirits. All of it was/is my fault as
many are quick to point out. I agree. And I am forever using those out-of-control
experiences to tell my story while working with others in their quest for a
life of a crack of nirvana. Often times I must warn “Don’t try this at home”
yet intermittently success stories are shared and revered as an auspicious example.
I
feel empty today, of everything, save gratitude while realizing a few items are
dramatically checked off my list and that I have the incredulous support of my
friends and family. I could not take my vitamins today. In one more week, I
will be undergoing surgery, be in the middle of a complex operation to remove
pins and potentially a plate, scrape excess cartilage, trapeze-wire together my
bones and hopefully not create a more hideous scar. Pain and suffering are
still fresh from my initial surgery in Registro last October. Suppose I can
compare it to the physical pain of childbirth that eventually dissipates into
the heat of the day and as a result, have a mass of souvenir stretch marks to
hide under a one piece suit. The strong smooth stomach is lost forever.
All
of my belongings are lined-up like baby turtles waiting at the ocean’s edge for
their first swim out. They are ready to embark on a new journey with
experiences in the good or not-so-good category. At first light they slide into
the frigid waters and head out into the wild waves with big fish, shore birds, sharks
as well as the safety of coral reefs. Where these books, summer clothes and
sandals, household goods and art that has been in boxes far too long will end
up I don’t know for sure. What I do know is that I still have the courage and
conviction I need to slither out, one solid foot on the ground and the other in
turn-my-skin-blue water lapping at my ankle. Donning my tools of laughter and
acceptance, like a snorkel and mask, I can maneuver and dodge, wander and
experiment as I forge on the path ahead, to the side, up and down, seeking
shelter or risk!
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