This is it!

May 16, 2013

Teresa’s Birthday, happy birthday big sis!

Hankering to go to the space I now call Rest Haven. It is a sanctuary of sorts where I can arrange my longings, search for my right livelihood and swagger around in my undies if I so choose. Will have to keep in mind the fashionable combinations to accompany the ace bandage hugging my lower left calf. Since army fatigues are out…hm.

Perusing Looking for the Light, the story of Marion Post Wolcott who was an amazing artist during the 30’s when she joined the Farm Security Administration’s core of photographers. Sooner than later however, she determined the focal point be her family and abandoned her career behind the lens. Fascinating creature she was!

My arduous decision around options (or lackthereof) to return to college, continue to work full-time while raising my daughter solo did not seem palatable nor the responsible thing to do in my 30’s and subsequent 40’s. As a single mother by choice I gleaned it important to spend quality time with my only child, set aside the shoulds, yearnings and desires for the future. This is it, it is here, the time to adjust my ideals, live in the pretense of what I believe I do best or well enough.

Year upon year I have puzzled friends and family with illegible letters, wobbly post cards, tenuous notes and chicken scratching from across the country and beyond. High time I got to setting it to print and publish what I know, comprehend and realize about my world.

No more excuses, no more shelves to put it upon, no other obligations to stand in the way, no fevers to run home to, nowhere to run and hide…  

In the meanwhile, halted all medications since I felt loopy and incoherent, toddering on the crutches only made me a bit more nervous than the ensuing pain. No long list of options available with my ankle residing above my heart yet I can certainly think more clearly.

Tempeh, fruit smoothies, Paul Newman’s mint oreo cookies, pancakes, pretzels, granola...the strangest foods come to mind when I realize I will have run of my own cupboards once again! When I left my dorm room in Hill House I bought Captain Crunch cereal, pop tarts and nutter butter peanut butter cookies to fill my space. Learned quickly they were not as tasty as I had imagined the forbidden to be!