Sanctuary salvation

April 6, 2013

I welcomed the time in a sanctuary at the church while attending a women’s retreat. I thought a lot about what it is I am focusing my attention and energy on these days…a job, what a surprise!

Discovered I was actually blaming the system, being too mature, lacking in education, unpracticed with Microsoft product knowledge, had too many relocations in my past, too much experience in some areas competing with the multitudes whom are willing to take a poverty-level salary, living too far away, the news reports on television regarding lack of employment, statistics about the economy, etc. It is so easy to blame. Yet, who is to blame? I realize I have had several interviews in the short period of time back in the States and certainly have no reason to blame anyone, let alone myself, for not attaining my goal of being employed by April 1^st.

I sat in the hum of soft music enveloping the sanctuary and forgave myself for being so ridiculous. Blame has been eating away at my stomach, scanning my body for the weak areas to settle-in and make itself comfortable. I started to float my thoughts around the others in my life whom are also struggling with the job hunt and even more whom have jobs that circumstantially do not generate enough income for them. More and more people came to mind whom I know throughout the US and around the world challenged by the lack of a proper, well-paid work or forced to accept employment sans satisfying benefits. Pets end up in shelters, children and relatives battle the consequences of fiscal insolvency and school teachers deal with undernourished kids. I let the calm and peaceful sensation wash over me, accepting what is so for many others and I felt satisfied. I am in the place I am meant to be. I can share my experiences with others and allow them to view the vulnerable places I earn like a Brownie badge in my tumultuous journey.

Our country, culture and planet is so greatly effected by the lack of decent and accessible jobs. We all deserve to take accountability for our part in it. I am committed to not forgetting those sensations in my gut and the whirring blender of emotions that ride along with it as I play my role as a job seeker.

Q-tips

April 5, 2013

Living out in the boonies with my grand friends is a treat however it really breaks the bank when it comes to commuting from the Tundra and back. It is an hour drive to almost anywhere I am required to show my face. Hamline University, family and friends homes not to mention job seeking activities and the grocery store for bread, rice milk and eggs. In the event I need or want to leave the house with my trusty coffee mug and a substantial snack for the tedious journey, I insist on making it well worth my gas money. Everyone knows just how frugal I can be! Many stops along the way, multiple necessary and sometimes unrequested visits. I simply place a call when I am in the area and pop on by to see my old pals and use the restroom since my coffee mug gets refilled numerous times. I am zipping off-course to drop by the Dunn Brothers Coffee joints to collect their burlap bags for a friend of a friend. Those little “wins” I get make the extra effort and the excess buzz of caffeine worthwhile.

I was on the road most of the day and had the opportunity to spend some time with a friend who lost her little dog this morning. I thought a lot about her comment regarding the fact that, in the end, she was not forced to bring the dog to the vet to put him to sleep. In my experience with many friends who had aged pets as well as volunteering with Hospice for quite a long time in several areas, I rarely witnessed the dreamy image of a soul dying peacefully in their sleep. It is certainly a goal of many and unknowingly unrealistic.

It became the emphasis of a conversation I had with friends who are a mere 94 and 91 years of age. They live in their own rapidly deteriorating home, he continues to drive precariously and she is homebond with discouragingly failing lungs. I spoke of the canine passing and the typical wish for an eternal life.  The woman wryly commented that her husband believed he would live forever. I suggested they consider having someone come in, even for a few hours a day, to visit with them, make healthy and flavorful meals (he claims he is a horrific cook) and check medication and oxygen intake. Little-by-little I hope to plant more seeds so they do not become yet another statistic. Elderly so frequently wind up in a Home where their lifestyle does not reflect who they have been all of their lives.

I barked the question “What is your first memory as a child?” One has to put up with tropical temps and a screaming conversation with this sweet and inspiring couple. Nonetheless, the answer came immediately. She was about 2 or 2 ½ years old and the neighbor boy, Ricky Johnson (the name has been changed to protect the innocent) and she decided to investigate one another’s bodies. Her dress was easy to slip over her head but she had to help him undo all of the buttons that graced each side of his shirt. Her mother discovered the two, struggling with the tiny buttonholes and shouted her dismay, ripping the two of them apart. Ricky left the area separating her from her first best friend at 4 years old. “Would you like to see his picture?” That led to hours of “This is your life” and it was a delight. Go spend some time with an elder!

Walk in the woods

Cat escaped under the deck and she eventually slunk out when no one was paying attention, just like a sneaky feline! Long meandering walk in the scattered woods today with the sun mostly at my back, my clunky snow boots chosen randomly which was an excellent option since I careened off the path at one point and headed into deep plush snow. It was kinda fun!

Deer plunged off to the side out of the corner of my eye and Tyrus, of course, thinking he could catch the beast, went barreling after the gorgeous creature, lumbering along as though to prove he is a hunter. Ty’s tongue hung from his lips like a lazy snake when he returned from the chase. He didn’t seem the least bit embarrassed the buck got away.  

Another job lead for a unidentified position came up today so I may have another shot at justifying myself back into the ever-illusive workforce. Cool! Taking some classes to get a spit shine on my Resume (yet again) and fashion tips on looking like I know what I am talking about in the job market while trying not to stagger around on my sleek black make-me-appear taller (like Wonder Woman) boots.
Shows confidence, or so I am told, unless of course I trip and fall on the stairs while heading to the bathroom to check out my growing into my eyes as I write bangs. I am learning to ignore the obvious and pretend the run in my new stockings, disheveled top and worn leather briefcase (yet it’s a COACH!) are simply mishaps from the rushed morning.

The ill people in the house are mostly better now though queasy stomachs and tasteless, texture-less, foods that lack strong odors are deemed best. My girlfriend and I are the only ones in the big group at the prolonged Easter event that avoided the urps. Perhaps we are the carriers! We are playing rock, paper, scissors to see who claims the title.
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Chasing wild geese

April 3, 2013

The interview was a wash, driving from the Tundra to Timbuktu and having to justify my job hopping and various frantic moves from one city, state and country to another. How do I explain my itch to relocate, the drive to excel in a field, pushing the limits and creating new environments to advance my job and life goals? Frustrating situation when I am clear I could most likely do the job of the woman that is barraging me with questions. Difficult to swallow accepting a position that puts me back in the poverty level salary arena. I was unfortunately uninformed regarding the job description as well as the hourly rate over the phone yesterday. The interview setter-upper could have sent me to their job posting on the site and I would have certainly declined the meeting. However now I have some weighty ammunition to address my rambling around the country from position to self-employment and back again, spreading my attention to unfamiliar industries and exceeding my own expectations, let alone my supervisors, stirring the pot and re-creating the wheel.

Got wind of a friend’s client who is dying of mouth cancer at the ripe old age of 14. How to accept the 5% success rate and move forward with a normal life when, within a few years time, you will no longer be a part of the planet you have come to know? She is an inspiration and reminds me just how insignificant my job hunt and steering wheel banging frustration, the cost of gas and wasting my time and energy on an unacceptable placement? I am inspired by the courage and conviction of this young woman and the support of family and friends surrounding her with love, promise of what little time she has left to make it the best days, one at a time, that they can.

Hazardess Horses

April 2, 2013

Sloshing thru the short grasses to get to the round pen, concerned since my past experience proves that free boots leek!  Tossing hay off my shoulder and into the path of the expectant horse is always a thrill. Grain goes into the floppy black disks for each pony, a few require mysterious medications mixed with sweet apple juice to entice them to eat. One tricky boy lifts the empty dish into my hand from between his teeth in exchange for a dried and pressed apple treat. As each of his friends finish their grain (some are encouraged with the promise of a chase around the pen) he steals and delivers their bowls to get yet another snack. In my opinion, he belongs in the circus!

As the water barrel fills, I contemplate the scenery in what I fondly refer to as the Tundra out here. Eagles and young hawks fly overhead, red and black squirrels chase one another around the accessible bird feeders. Rumor has it that gophers house in the shed which propels one of the persistent dogs to park at the chewed wooden door like Red Riding Hood’s grandma waiting for signs of life inside.

Although I hear a lot of moans and groans about the snow and chilly gusts of endless winter weather, my two weeks back in the Midwest have been spent sucking in the cold air and shivering as I take in the mounds of pure white to black grey fluff. No hair-raising drives along the freeway in the drifting snow this year. How fortunate!

A job interview came my way so I will sell myself to Lara tomorrow. I need only stand with my hands on my hips, imagining Super Woman in the mirror for two minutes time to generate a genuine smile and remain Valium relaxed prior to covering my work history and discussing salary requirements. Confidence can be conjured up like my favorite Juaquin beach spot, I close my eyes and smell the ocean, feel the waves and salt water spray up my nose.  The lids snapping shut may be considered a hazard so I create that vision while sitting in the parked car at the job site.

Wish me luck!

Polenta power

April Fools Day 2013

Preparing meals for those that are not accustomed to textures outside of the norm is a bit of a quandary. I selected colorful corn grits also known as polenta and chose to top it with savory pasta sauce. I thought it a bit bland in the end, however I wasn’t in the mood to apologize. Three servings later, to one particular individual I was satisfied it was a hit. 

Five and a half months ago I had my foot surgery and today feels worlds away from the stark and lonely basement recovery room at Registro’s Sao Joao Hospital. My homey friend just had several small pins removed from her foot this morning and she was released with a short black oversized open-toed firm shoe. She has access to crutches and in the interim is using a plain cane. I realize it seems counterintuitive yet suggest she manages it with the opposite side of the injured appendage. 

I notice the pre-op instructions included stripping herself of any lotions, hair products (they are flammable yet we can slather them on our innocent children’s heads?) no food or drink allowed after midnight which is understandable but ALL supplements two weeks prior-oh boy! To think I could very well have started the operating room aflame in Sao Paulo! Best not to set yourself up for litigation I always say!

In just under two weeks, I will be meeting with the surgeon to remove my pin. I look forward to the scrub downs and struggling with the crutches, canes and toilet seats.  Not really.

Hollering for wandering canines, Resume tweaking, tax (form) evasion, fighting off sleepiness and on-line job application boredom this I-can’t shake-the-chills afternoon.

Had to hide the soaking protein from the cats for tomorrow I am serving garbanzo beans!

Easter tales

Easter 2013

Is the Easter Bunny a girl or a boy? I asked everyone I met this question and the majority of the children claimed the egg delivery rabbit is a GIRL! Adult males, on the other hand, became quite angry and at times defensive when I insubordinately suggested he is a she!

What to do in the event of a long-time traditional family holiday meal when one is now a vegetarian and subjected to dishes loaded with gut-wrenching animal products?  With many years of experience in placing myself among people I adore whom don’t typically claim to understand that fish, let alone chicken, are in the meat group, I suggested we all focus our attention on the plates we do without a doubt relish and allow the other dishes to pass on by. A few family members elected to announce their newfound vegetarianism and slough the meat bits off to the side with gusto. That is another option!

It has been years since I have had the opportunity to spend time with a gaggle of little ones who want nothing to do with being held in my lap and teased into submission.  Darn. Generations of folks watch the kids zoom around like circus performers and a glass gets tipped, a few crashed against one another in the attempt to carry them down the stairs, multiple spills absorbed into the couch to add to the chaos. A simple dice game that involved 5 cent coins and pool round robins kept the adults from dozing off due to full stomachs, melt-in-your-mouth cheesecake (now why didn’t I think to store some in my purse for another round today?) and beer samplings.

I rarely have expectations of holiday events therefore when anyone gets drunk and disorderly, I can take it all in stride!